I'm aware that last week was a bit of a fail in the posting department. What can I say? Life has been busy.
I think it's been established that I
So, my stupid hip is still being a total pain in the butt (literally), and though I'm much more mobile than I was before, I still have to sleep like a pregnant person with a pillow between my knees, and theGuy still has to help me do my laundry. No lifting, no working out, and no dancing. The no dancing part makes me the saddest. The no working out part makes me the bloatiest. Imagine not being able to work out, combined with Christmmas, New Years and the whole food-gorging thing.. it's not a pretty picture.
Some of my coworkers have the same issue I do, and they've all found massage therapy to be very helpful to get things back to normal, so my doctor gave me a prescription for massage therapy. Which, to normal people, is kind of like winning the lottery. Massage. What a wonderful thought. How serene. How relaxing.
Unless you're me.
No amount of googling is giving me the answer that I want. No, it is not normal to wear a bathing suit to a massage therapy appointment. No, you can't wear all of your clothes plus a blanket and leg warmers. You guys, no one has seen more of me than is bared in my one piece bathing suit, aside from theGuy and my lady doctor in 12 years. And now, I have an appointment for a massage tonight with a dude who is the same age as me. When I haven't been able to work out for over a month.
So how much do I have to bare? So far, everyone I've polled says they bare all, except their underwear. I feel like my masseuse should, at the very least,buy me a drink, if I'm going to strip down. Gin sounds good - I think it was invented for this purpose!
I thought perhaps theGuy could assist me, by writing "Woah, dude, this is my wife, hands off" in strategic places on my body, with sharpie. Or maybe "You've gone too far". But getting theGuy to write thank you cards after our wedding was hard enough.
And then there are the typical scenarios and concerns that invade my brain. Like.. what if scream? I'm always nervous about that? Or what if I sound like I'm enjoying it a little too much. Or what if I have to pee really bad? They said to be hydrated before the massage, but I have a small bladder. And what if I get hungry and pass out from starvation?
Loyal readers - please share with me your insight. Have you been for a massage before? Have you ever fallen asleep and drooled all over the table? I'm so wound up - if I didn't need a massage before, I certainly do now!